


Close Your Eyes And Count To Ten

by broken_machines



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Sad, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 09:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13120899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_machines/pseuds/broken_machines
Summary: “I filed a divorce last week.”“What? Why would you do that?”"Because I'm still in love with you."





	Close Your Eyes And Count To Ten

**Author's Note:**

> Close Your Eyes And Count To Ten (And Tell Me How The Hell You've Been)  
> Title from Two Years by Have Mercy. Vaguely inspired by the song.

I can't , Gerard” Frank says over the phone. What Frank doesn't say is that he's dying to say yes.

“Why can't we meet up like old times? Give me a reason”

Frank scratches his forehead and thinks of an excuse he hasn't used yet. “I'm booked?”

“A good reason, Frank.” The eye roll is evident in his voice.

“I'm sorry, Gerard,” he whispers in the solitude of the hotel room in a foreign city he doesn't even know how to pronounce. “I can't do this anymore.”

“You've changed, Frankie,” Gerard's voice sounds dull and without emotion. “You weren't like this. You never cared what others thought. Truth is, you're ashamed of who you are.”

Frank hears the flick of a lighter, and can imagine Gerard lighting a smoke on the other end of the line. He pictures him on his front porch, holding onto himself for some sense of warmth. It's already past midnight, it's August and fall is just around the corner in the town he left behind two weeks ago for tour.

Frank hears Gerard exhale smoke. “I have nothing to be ashamed of,” Frank argues. He takes the conversation to the balcony in fear of being overheard. By who, he doesn't know.

“When was the last time you did anything without thinking how the rest would perceive you as?”

“You're not my therapist,” Frank sighs. He rests his forearm on the balcony rail.

Gerard lets out a chuckle. There is no irony in it. Frank missed his laughter, and for a second he smiles.

“I really fucking wish I was.” Another exhale. “ Don't you miss those nights looking up at the stars and laughing at everything and nothing in particular?”

“Gerard, please–“ 

“Go ahead and lie to me, Frank.” And Frank doesn't know what to say. He'd rather not have this conversation and enjoy his hotel night with the band in the rooms next door. Lately, he feels like a skydiver without a parachute.

“I'm scared,” he finally says. “I don't want to lose you.”

“You won't.” Gerard hesitates. “I'm your parachute.”

“How can you read my– how do you always know what to say?” Frank says, a smile evident in his voice.

“I know you. You don't have to be scared. Ashamed. That's not what I've always taught you.” He hears Gerard lighting another cigarette. “This is a part of you. We're two parts that fit. Always have been.”

“You've always been the one to complete me,” Frank confesses.

“No. You were born as a whole. I'm just an extension of yours. Like a third leg or something.” Frank laughs with gleaming eyes staring at the lit city below him.

“Don't believe all that Zeus bullshit myth,” Gerard adds in a small voice.

Frank has never been one to cry, but as far as history goes with Gerard– all the nights he's spent with him, every secret and fear he shared and the confidence Frank deposited in him, allowed Gerard to see him shed tears more often than he'd please.

It never felt strange for neither of them. Crying is just like laughter. It's a response to another feeling. Frank has expressed several times just how comfortable in his skin he felt next to Gerard.

Until Gerard's long forgotten high school girlfriend came back into his life, and Frank took it like a kick in the balls.

It's when he stopped crying in front of him. Two years ago he couldn't let him know just how at unease he felt kissing his borrowed lips and sharing I love you's with another person.

Nobody in the world ever knew of what they had– it was how they held together.

He just wished Gerard would let go of him, because Frank could never find the strength to let go of Gerard. It's been two years since they've seen each other's faces and he still hasn't let go.

“You're crying,” Gerard states. Frank realizes this just now, but doesn't bother wiping his face or the tears falling on his forearm. “I am.” His voice sounds cracked and he figures he doesn't really care about anything in the world anymore, except for Gerard.

“I miss you,” Frank says staring at a star. The night wind blows in his face and ruffles up his hair. He's on the other side of the world, where the air feels heavier and everything feels warm. He sucks in a breath, “how I wish you were here.”

“Jersey is waiting for you.” Gerard says, and Frank can almost feel his smile on the other side of the line. And then Gerard whispers,

“Come home soon.”

 

*

It's Monday morning and Frank's thankful for the coffee placed in front of him. Gerard's addiction might've grown on him in time.

He's back in New Jersey, in the town that saw him grow up. He's sat in a corner of the coffee shop; sunglasses and all.

“Look at you. You look like a complete rockstar now,” Gerard says as he takes a seat across Frank. “Sorry I'm late”

Frank smiles slowly at him. He can't process the thought of Gerard himself. He takes his sunglasses off to take a better look. He takes in Gerard's new brunette hair, his tired eyes, his paint stained clothes, and his turpentine scented fingers. It's only been two years. “You haven't changed a bit.”

 

*

It's October and It's windy in New Jersey. It must be almost midnight and the stars are out. Frank steps on every dry leaf as they walk together towards Gerard's neighborhood. He's wearing Gerard's coat after he insisted Frank would get sick. Gerard has always been the one to look after him.

It's been five weeks since their first encounter at the café. They've been sharing dinners and coffees every two or so days. It almost seems routine, except for that mundane feeling that always comes with routine. They catch up over coffee, texts, walks, and the fancy dinner they had tonight.

Their hands softly graze from time to time and it's not even a bit uncomfortable. Everything feels okay.

They both round the corner and walk up to the front porch. Both of them sit on the stairs. Frank stares below him and thinks maybe he could give a hand by mowing his lawn tomorrow. And Gerard's wife hasn't been in town because of her job.

They've been silent most of the walk back home, and Gerard is the first one to break the silence.

“I filed a divorce last week.”

“What? Why would you do that?” A selfish part of Frank only cares to be in a relationship with him, but the reasonable part only wants the best for Gerard, even if it means he stays with his wife.

“Because I'm still in love with you.”

Frank stares at him with wide eyes. He stares into his hazel eyes to find any hint of sarcasm. He doesn't find any, and Frank has never seen anything more beautiful and serene. For a second he wonders if he can write a song about it in the morning.

He smiles because that's all he can do. Gerard reaches for Frank's hand and holds it tightly. For a second the world stops moving on its axis and he forgets how to breathe properly. He doesn't recall how it started, or who started it, but his lips are on Gerard's and they're kissing. A kiss that lasts no longer than a caress. Just the slightest touch of the jaw, a hand resting on the other's knee, eyes closing, and a pair fingers crossed hoping that this is the right thing for both of them.

It takes only ten seconds to let go of every breath Frank has been holding in for the past two years.

When they pull back, they still hold hands and the Earth continues its course. Everything is how it's meant to be.

At some point Frank looks up at the dark sky and realizes, “It's getting late.”

“Please stay,” Gerard looks hopeful.

Frank stares at him for a second, then looks up at the sky again. He smiles at the brightest star he can see tonight, then turns back to Gerard and nods once, twice.

“I'll stay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Kudos and feedback are greatly appreciated.


End file.
